Self-Love: Beyond Giving Everything to Others

If self-love were selfish, why does it so often make other people uncomfortable—but not you?

Self-compassion and patience, growing over time.

According to the dictionary, self-love means having regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. On the surface, this definition is easy to understand. Many people think self-love is about buying something expensive for yourself or dining at a nice restaurant because it makes you happy. Others believe that sacrificing themselves for their children, family, or work will bring happiness in return. I used to think this way too. But self-love is not that simple.

I was never taught what self-love truly is. I grew up with childhood beliefs and cultural expectations that taught me self-love was selfish and, in some situations, not acceptable. Being emotional was seen as weak. At work, compliance was encouraged, with the belief that if you followed expectations and pleased others, you would be more valued and have a better future.

These beliefs shaped how I lived. I gave more, adjusted myself, and ignored my own needs. Over time, this way of living made me deeply unhappy. I did not realise it at first, but I was slowly disconnecting from myself. Eventually, I reached a point where I could no longer continue like this. Only then did I begin to reflect. I started reading, spending time alone, and looking inward. I realised I had never truly taken the time to understand myself. Learning self-love takes time. It requires honesty, self-awareness, and the strength to face your own emotions instead of avoiding them.

Self-love is the process of understanding who you are—what you like, what you do not like, and how you feel. It is about caring for your inner self and your emotions, rather than constantly focusing on meeting other people’s expectations. You cannot control what others want from you, but you can learn to understand and manage your emotions. That inner control is what creates peace.

If someone tells you that being emotional is weak, or that self-love is selfish, it is worth questioning why. Often, it is because when you continue to give, comply, and put yourself last, others benefit. They remain comfortable and happy, sometimes at the expense of your own well-being. Choosing self-love simply means you stop allowing your happiness to be secondary.

Self-love is not about relying on someone else to make you happy. It is your responsibility to care for your own emotional health. It is the quiet confidence of knowing where you stand, how to respond during difficult times, and trusting yourself to recover and move forward.